It’s easy to think that a healthy relationship is a breeze since that’s what every romantic comedy, commercial, and love song tells us! The reality is that a relationship is a lot like a car; it requires regular maintenance and you need to work on it every now and then to make sure the drive stays smooth. Boredom in your relationship may be a serious concern if you and/or your partner are becoming apathetic, you’re fighting more often (or more intensely) than you normally do, or the two of you are drifting apart emotionally and/or physically. If this is the case, it may be worth exploring couples therapy.
You might say, “Hey, are you doing alright? Do you feel like we’ve kind of been a rut lately?” or, “Do you feel like we’ve fallen into too much of a routine? I won’t take it the wrong way if you say yes. ” Try to be open and just listen to their response. If they say they aren’t bored but you definitely are, open up about it. Tell them you’d like to mix things up, and see how they respond. So long as you don’t blame them for how you’re feeling, they should respond positively. If they say they’re not bored and you aren’t either, no problem! You checked in and now you know you’re both happy. If your partner admits they’re bored and you’re bored too, talk about it! Discuss a strategy and set a goal to tackle the problem together. You’ll both feel much better by the time you’re done talking!
Some couples absolutely loathe going to the grocery store. Some couples turn it into an exciting activity where they discuss all the fancy meals they’re going to make while joking around. Even if the things you’re doing together aren’t necessarily intrinsically fun, that doesn’t mean you can’t turn them into something more interesting!
If you get a lot of stock answers to basic questions, probe them to really answer! If you ask them what they want to eat for dinner and they just say, “Whatever you want,” you might say, “No, really! Today is international you choose dinner day; what is your heart’s desire?” Affirm your partner randomly. Throw out a random “I love you” and compliment their clothing choices before they head out for work. These daily affirmations will really cultivate a more positive feeling for your partner, which will encourage more positive interactions. Be totally, unabashedly honest. If they ask you a question, tell them the truth. Don’t hide negative feelings or keep quiet if you’re feeling phenomenal. The more open you are, the more open your partner will be.
Encourage your partner to do the same! This way, the two of you can reconnect and share everything you’ve been up to. [6] X Expert Source John KeeganDating Coach Expert Interview. 5 November 2019. Potential options could include joining a recreational sports team, flying kites, taking a painting class, geocaching, or nature photography. Honestly, anything that forces you to get out of the house and engage in something is going to help!
You could go get a couple’s massage, try going on a double-date, or go stargazing at a local dark park. If there’s something you or your partner have always wanted to do but never had the time or energy for it, there’s no time like now! Consider implementing a “no-phone” rule when you’re doing something unique together. Nothing ruins intimacy faster than someone who can’t stop texting or checking Instagram![9] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to source
For an added does of thrill, try roleplaying at a bar one night. Come up with new identities and show up pretending to be other people. Try to pick your partner up at the bar like it’s the first time the two of you have met. [13] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to source If it has been a while since you’ve flirted, try hitting on your partner! Even if neither of you want to try something new in bed, you can still find ways to raise the intimacy by flirting. Brush their hair back, reach out to hold their hand, and cuddle up next to them on the couch. Even the smallest of physical touches will help deepen and strengthen your connection. [14] X Research source
You could also start casually “betting” on things together to build some suspense when things are slow. Will your partner forget it’s their turn to do the dishes next week? Winner chooses what’s for dinner! Make it low stakes and keep it fun.
For an added dash of thrill-seeking, have someone else book your trip for you! Tell them not to tell you where you’re going until the night before, and explore a new place with no itinerary, plans, or expectations. Road trips are always cheap ways to go do something new. You never know what you’re going to run into on the open road!
Conflict is natural in a relationship, so don’t look at this as a sign that something is necessarily wrong. However, you do want to keep unnecessary arguments to a minimum. Do your best to meet your partner halfway whenever you can.
